how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
