Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
