I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
