i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
