Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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