you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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