Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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