capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
