I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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