my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Drunk is not a location!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
