I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
