I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
