Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize