is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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