I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
