Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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