How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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