i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
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