I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
