My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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