I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize