she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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