I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
