I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
