my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
