seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
