I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
