Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Come on in and take your pants off
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