my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
