thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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