just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Come see our sink grown plant.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
