I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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