before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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