I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
