i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
