i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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