Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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