i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
