For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
