I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
