$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
