I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
