At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
