the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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