Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
