I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
