What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
