Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My friends, they love my intelligence
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
