After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
