Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
