It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
