I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
