He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Life is so much better after having sex.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
