I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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