I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you win again, gameday.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize