whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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