how can u be prego again
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
