I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
