so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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