go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
