Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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