Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
This is the high leading the old right now
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
