i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
