im about as happy as oj after his trial
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
