guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
