You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
