Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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