I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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