literally had 100 drinks last night.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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