after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
